Moments

I had a moment today and it took my breath away. What is a moment? It’s a glance, an inhale, a second where a memory is triggered. I was driving to the gym after dropping my kids off at school and I looked into the car in the next lane. A woman sat in the driver’s seat. In that instant, the woman looked so much like my mother that it stopped me cold. She turned her head and the illusion ended, but for one moment I was transported back in time and looking at my mother’s profile.

During the first couple years after my mother’s death, I often had such moments. Now, they are few and far between. It’s always out of the blue. I cry when someone near me wears Chanel #5. I can’t think when I hear a woman laughing in a sexy, throaty voice. My mom had the most beautiful laugh. Or like today, I freeze when I see a particular profile.

If you’ve never lost someone close to you, you have no idea what I’m talking about. It’s not something that happens until you lose that every day contact. When I was younger it was painful to experience such moments. I think I almost enjoyed today’s. Why? Well, it makes me think that my parents are looking down on me. I rarely think of them in my daily life. And such brief glimpses remind me no matter where they are they still think of me sometimes.

Next week, I’m starting a new position. I’ll be moving up in the ranks. I am nervous and excited. I like to think that my mother sent me a little pat on the back today, a reminder that she’s watching and she that she approves.

So for those of you who know about these moments in time, embrace that stinging pain that comes with a sharp memory and focus on the joy that special someone brought into your life.