Parenting

It is a balmy 11 here right now. Winter is in full swing and so is my temper. In the background, I can hear the sound of my children fighting yet again. I find myself wondering what my parents felt or thought when I threw a whopper tantrum. It's one of my most hated moments, a point in time when I have a question, but cannot pick up the phone and get an answer.

My daughters are headed into the teenage years at 9 and 11 they are clearly past the innocence of little girls. I know that we are headed into uncharted waters as parents. I am a little jealous of my girlfriends who can call Mom and ask questions: how do I deal with...., what was I like when...., and what would you do if....

As I look out my window at the frozen landscape, I can remember my Mother telling me so long ago, "Don't just be a brood mare for some man, get a job, do something with your life." I wonder if she too felt her selfness disappear into the monotony of raising children. If she looked at her job as an escape and a way to feel like she was adding something good to the world around her.

I took some of my Mother's advice and I cast some to the wind. I work two or three jobs. My life is often a crazy overlap of teaching, writing, parenting and attending events. But I do understand what she meant. I find myself forgetting who I am. I hear Mommy more than I hear my name. Sure, there are resentful moments, but I find myself feeling maudlin thinking about the day in the not too distant future when my daughters leave home and head into the great big world.

My next goal is promoting my book. Learning to market myself and promote me. You give so much time to your spouse and kids at a certain point you need to take a little for yourself. As for the rest of life, who knows what will be. Right at the moment, I can't look any further than breaking up the next battle between my daughters and longingly gazing out the window wishing for Spring!